I am 55 and I agree with your list of 40 in entirety. I was feeling my way into most of those at your age but wouldn’t have been able put the list together so confidently. Bravo you!
Wrt to the main topic, sun screen and wide brimmed hats are a great addition to any person’s regular attire!
With my 'Buddhist hat on' I see 'clinging as suffering', so to the extent that beauty treatments are 'clinging' one will suffer, but with my 'National Trust hat on' I see preserving the best of the past as admirable, so to the extent beauty treatments are seen as preservation then they may not be suffering. Finally with my 'Jungian hat on' I see an 'Anima ladder' from 'Eve to Sophia', so that means men can see women archetypically through an 'ascending ladder of appreciation' as Eve (sensual), Mary (maternal), Helen (queen) and finally Sophia (divine wisdom), so with your aim of 'authority with vulnerability' I see that as allowing you to 'age into Sophia', and hence a different kind of attractiveness in the eyes of men.
A friend pointed out to me that girls, when they hit maybe 3 or 4, start putting their head on one side for photographs. I was sceptical until mine suddenly started doing it. And then I was in the foyer at Said Business School where they had an exhibition celebrating female business leaders. As I looked around me, I noticed that They All Had Their Heads To One Side. Arghhhhhh.
My first reaction to your announcement of turning 40 was actually surprise that you weren't already in your 40s. Not because you look older - you don't. But because my brain is reluctant to imagine that anyone who seems so poised and accomplished and just generally better at being an adult could be only ONE year older than me. Oy vey. A good New Year's prompting to focus a little harder on getting my sh*t in order ahead of my own imminent 4-0. Thank you, and many happy returns for your birthday and the year (and indeed decade!) ahead.
Ha! Well I take that as a compliment and also it reminded how different our own self-perception can be from how we are come across. I loved your forty things post also, which made me feel the same way about you!
Happy belated birthday and a warm welcome to the 40’s. Truly enjoyed your sharing. My approach is this: to focus on the health of your vessel in a graceful and balanced way, honors the truth of our women’s walk. I care about the health of my skin, as I do my brain, heart, muscles, and joints. My vessel is a temple for my spirit and I honor her at every stage of this life’s walk. What I don’t do is buy into the overculture’s obsession with remaining a maiden. That’s a prison designed to harm and control women and dishonors and diminishes the other glorious stages of a woman’s life. My maidenhood was very challenging and I’m grateful I (just barely) survived it. My mother years were restorative (I didn’t have children in this lifetime, I did birth many projects, and care for many beings, as I continue to), and now as I live in the liminal between mother and crone - a time some call the ‘Madge’ or the ‘Enchantress’ - I wear this face with pride. I survive! I live! I do not inject myself with toxin to claim a maiden’s face on a baby-crone’s body, that would deny me of my truth and the hard won wisdom of a life’s walk. My fertile years are fading and of course there is some grief there, however it dances with the excitement for my elder years.
Here’s to us honoring health and modeling the joys of elder hood for all the young girls, and here’s to claiming ourselves and not falling prey to an overculture that would have you deny your glorious evolution - and - who sometimes fears the power of the wise, aged, lived woman.
Here’s to you enjoying at least another 40 years in wellness!
Thanks Elizabeth. From the good women in my life, I am gradually becoming more aware of this double standard. And, as I get older myself, I become aware of pressures on men that I hadn’t noticed before, which invites me to more empathy with the More limiting standards on women. I appreciate this.
I am probably not the first to suggest this but I highly recommend Jessica Definos work here on Substack. She has unpicked so much beauty conditioning from my head and I went from a skincare obsessed girly to a three simple product skincare routine. I still enjoy doing my skin and participating in beauty rituals, just in a way that damages my skin and our earth less. Really appreciated this piece though. :)
I enjoyed pondering your question about the difference between a harmless distraction and an idol, Elizabeth. It seems to me you go some way to answering the question in your paragraph about mental pressure valves. If something eases the strain of living in the real world, it isn't an idol. If it were, we could consider attending the Eucharist idolatry, since it provides relief and consolation from an otherwise trouble-filled life. Idolatry, as I see it, is replacing the source of that relief and consolation with something fabricated, and we become enslaved when we feel bound to conform to the expectations of that external, fabricated source.
A glorious listen whilst doing the washing up and occasionally shouting ‘YES, Elizabeth!’.
I’ve just finished ‘Recollections of My Non-Existence’ by Rebecca Solnit - I wonder if you’ve read it? Lots I could say about it, but just yes...
And your bright lipstick mentions made me think of an essay I wrote about what I’d wear to the funeral of ‘The Man’: How would I dress for the death of capitalism and patriarchy and power-hungry oppression? The only bit I could be sure about was ‘a bold lip.’ Will bring my neon orange for when I next see you.x
When you consider how universal the idea of makeup is, for men and women, the question becomes, what sort of makeup from where? In other words, isn't the issue more to do with capitalist exploitation (can't avoid bringing it up!) than the idea of makeup? We have found ever more toxic ways to exploit this desire. We torture animals and lay waste to forests in pursuit of new profits for industries that straddle the globe and sell their products without any concern for environment or cultural tradition.
On a more personal note, the serious relationships of my life have been with women who regard make-up at least with suspicion. Makeup and intimacy do not go together well.
Thank you for this, I deeply enjoyed it and I too want to be taken seriously as a smart person by both men and women (particularly when it comes to writing about faith) but I find the trivial js what actually connects us to each other... As a mother of four teenage girls who absorb Space NK/Sephora etc etc, I occasionally wrestle with this obsession with appearance and occasionally lose it when they cover my towels with fake tan but then I remember alongside paying attention to my spiritual core strength, I am also trying microneedling next week... (my excuse is I am 10 years ahead of you and on a search for collagen...).
I am 55 and I agree with your list of 40 in entirety. I was feeling my way into most of those at your age but wouldn’t have been able put the list together so confidently. Bravo you!
Wrt to the main topic, sun screen and wide brimmed hats are a great addition to any person’s regular attire!
With my 'Buddhist hat on' I see 'clinging as suffering', so to the extent that beauty treatments are 'clinging' one will suffer, but with my 'National Trust hat on' I see preserving the best of the past as admirable, so to the extent beauty treatments are seen as preservation then they may not be suffering. Finally with my 'Jungian hat on' I see an 'Anima ladder' from 'Eve to Sophia', so that means men can see women archetypically through an 'ascending ladder of appreciation' as Eve (sensual), Mary (maternal), Helen (queen) and finally Sophia (divine wisdom), so with your aim of 'authority with vulnerability' I see that as allowing you to 'age into Sophia', and hence a different kind of attractiveness in the eyes of men.
Oooh I love this insight thank you
A friend pointed out to me that girls, when they hit maybe 3 or 4, start putting their head on one side for photographs. I was sceptical until mine suddenly started doing it. And then I was in the foyer at Said Business School where they had an exhibition celebrating female business leaders. As I looked around me, I noticed that They All Had Their Heads To One Side. Arghhhhhh.
Ugh
My first reaction to your announcement of turning 40 was actually surprise that you weren't already in your 40s. Not because you look older - you don't. But because my brain is reluctant to imagine that anyone who seems so poised and accomplished and just generally better at being an adult could be only ONE year older than me. Oy vey. A good New Year's prompting to focus a little harder on getting my sh*t in order ahead of my own imminent 4-0. Thank you, and many happy returns for your birthday and the year (and indeed decade!) ahead.
Ha! Well I take that as a compliment and also it reminded how different our own self-perception can be from how we are come across. I loved your forty things post also, which made me feel the same way about you!
Yeah, no, I've tried to process the idea of you reciprocating here, and cannot. But it makes me smile all the same. ☺️
Happy belated birthday and a warm welcome to the 40’s. Truly enjoyed your sharing. My approach is this: to focus on the health of your vessel in a graceful and balanced way, honors the truth of our women’s walk. I care about the health of my skin, as I do my brain, heart, muscles, and joints. My vessel is a temple for my spirit and I honor her at every stage of this life’s walk. What I don’t do is buy into the overculture’s obsession with remaining a maiden. That’s a prison designed to harm and control women and dishonors and diminishes the other glorious stages of a woman’s life. My maidenhood was very challenging and I’m grateful I (just barely) survived it. My mother years were restorative (I didn’t have children in this lifetime, I did birth many projects, and care for many beings, as I continue to), and now as I live in the liminal between mother and crone - a time some call the ‘Madge’ or the ‘Enchantress’ - I wear this face with pride. I survive! I live! I do not inject myself with toxin to claim a maiden’s face on a baby-crone’s body, that would deny me of my truth and the hard won wisdom of a life’s walk. My fertile years are fading and of course there is some grief there, however it dances with the excitement for my elder years.
Here’s to us honoring health and modeling the joys of elder hood for all the young girls, and here’s to claiming ourselves and not falling prey to an overculture that would have you deny your glorious evolution - and - who sometimes fears the power of the wise, aged, lived woman.
Here’s to you enjoying at least another 40 years in wellness!
This is really helpful thanks
Thanks Elizabeth. From the good women in my life, I am gradually becoming more aware of this double standard. And, as I get older myself, I become aware of pressures on men that I hadn’t noticed before, which invites me to more empathy with the More limiting standards on women. I appreciate this.
I am probably not the first to suggest this but I highly recommend Jessica Definos work here on Substack. She has unpicked so much beauty conditioning from my head and I went from a skincare obsessed girly to a three simple product skincare routine. I still enjoy doing my skin and participating in beauty rituals, just in a way that damages my skin and our earth less. Really appreciated this piece though. :)
I enjoyed pondering your question about the difference between a harmless distraction and an idol, Elizabeth. It seems to me you go some way to answering the question in your paragraph about mental pressure valves. If something eases the strain of living in the real world, it isn't an idol. If it were, we could consider attending the Eucharist idolatry, since it provides relief and consolation from an otherwise trouble-filled life. Idolatry, as I see it, is replacing the source of that relief and consolation with something fabricated, and we become enslaved when we feel bound to conform to the expectations of that external, fabricated source.
I like your final line a lot
A glorious listen whilst doing the washing up and occasionally shouting ‘YES, Elizabeth!’.
I’ve just finished ‘Recollections of My Non-Existence’ by Rebecca Solnit - I wonder if you’ve read it? Lots I could say about it, but just yes...
And your bright lipstick mentions made me think of an essay I wrote about what I’d wear to the funeral of ‘The Man’: How would I dress for the death of capitalism and patriarchy and power-hungry oppression? The only bit I could be sure about was ‘a bold lip.’ Will bring my neon orange for when I next see you.x
How we immediately note someone at home in their own skin, female or male, regardless of age. There is nothing wrong with unguents and oils.
This is all, really, quite fantastic. Listened to the Surprising Rebirth podcast and appreciated your commentary. Here for it, as they say.
Thanks Bryan, appreciated
When you consider how universal the idea of makeup is, for men and women, the question becomes, what sort of makeup from where? In other words, isn't the issue more to do with capitalist exploitation (can't avoid bringing it up!) than the idea of makeup? We have found ever more toxic ways to exploit this desire. We torture animals and lay waste to forests in pursuit of new profits for industries that straddle the globe and sell their products without any concern for environment or cultural tradition.
On a more personal note, the serious relationships of my life have been with women who regard make-up at least with suspicion. Makeup and intimacy do not go together well.
This is brilliant and beautiful - your heart turned inside out, in words, for us. Thank you 💛
Thank you!
Thank you for this, I deeply enjoyed it and I too want to be taken seriously as a smart person by both men and women (particularly when it comes to writing about faith) but I find the trivial js what actually connects us to each other... As a mother of four teenage girls who absorb Space NK/Sephora etc etc, I occasionally wrestle with this obsession with appearance and occasionally lose it when they cover my towels with fake tan but then I remember alongside paying attention to my spiritual core strength, I am also trying microneedling next week... (my excuse is I am 10 years ahead of you and on a search for collagen...).
This is amazing. Report back!
Truth AND beauty, all before 8 a.m. (my time)! Happy birthday, Elizabeth, and thank you for standing in the messy middle with us all. xo
I have a rule never to comment on anyone's appearance, ever.