The Mind Between Us: A conversation with Dr Curt Thompson
On our irreconcilable interdependence
Hello, today’s post is the video and transcript of a live event I hosted with Dr Curt Thompson, a practicing psychiatrist and author on the intersection of spirituality, psychology and how we flourish (hint: together). I’ve been really formed and empowered by Curt’s work which helps give an alternate (though as he says, not inherently more authoritative) frame for understanding just how relational we really are. We had such a tender conversation with members of the audience, and many said just how much they’d written down and would return to.
We covered
The relational mind: interpersonal neurobiology’s claim that a mind is something that happens within and between persons (this blew my (relational) mind). Drawing on attachment studies and trauma healing, Curt unpacks what this means in terms of where we can find healing and hope.
The centrality of story telling: Curt’s practice and the ‘Confessional Communities’ he has established have found immense power in simply telling our stories more truthfully and having them heard, non-judgementally. This really echoed something we’ve learned in the community house, and which I’ve observed listening to people on The Sacred.
We went into how community and relationships can hurt us, and tempt us to withdraw. When I asked Curt about this he said:
This is the great gift, and this is the great terror. Because my trauma, my distress — ultimately, it always comes in the context of intimate relationships. It’s people who hurt me. And yet I need healing from people. But I have a brain that remembers. And I remember that if I want healing, I’m gonna have to be with people. One of the things that happens when people come to see me in psychiatry — no matter what it is, whether it’s alcoholism or severe depression or panic disorder or eating disorder, whatever it happens to be — there is a sense in which what they’re really looking for on the front end is relief from their symptoms. But they’re not aware that what it’s going to cost them is the willingness to move closer in relationship. It’s a very hard thing for us to do. It’s kind of like: you need water to survive, everybody needs water. And if all you’ve ever had is contaminated water to drink, the water just doesn’t sound like a very good idea — but you gotta have it. And so you come to the next drinking fountain and you’re like…. this is the terror that we have. And this is why community makes such a difference, because I don’t just want to sit here and tell you to go do this. I want to say, I want to do this with you.
This series of events and recordings will continue to be paywalled, partly because I have a hunch that it enables more honest, human engagement if there is some kind of barrier to entry, but for the moment, all other content is free. A lot of you decided to upgrade on this basis, and although it isn’t the number I’d thought I’d needed, it still seems the right thing to do. Thank you to those who were already paid subscribers or who recently took the leap, and if you want to support this attempt to subvert the logic of the content-machine slightly, I’d really value your support.
